yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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