Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
