Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
