so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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