I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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