I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
