I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
