I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
