I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
