I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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