The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
