Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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