Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
