We're like a lot better than the average bears
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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