Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
