I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
