I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
