I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
