hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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