I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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