Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
