I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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