Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
