How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
