i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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