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Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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