She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
