I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
