I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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