So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
