time to smoke my breakfast
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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