She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
