I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
