Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
