i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
