She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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