You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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