I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
