i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
