The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
