i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
