I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
