So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
