Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
