He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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