So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
