She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
