if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
