I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
