I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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