so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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