like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
