the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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