just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
