Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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