im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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