I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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