dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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