Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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