Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
