my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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