having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
