I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
