He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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