you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drake has all the answers
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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