This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
