ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
two words: eviction party
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
