So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
