So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize