Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
