Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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